June 1, 2010

Let's Talk about Faith...

Meh...
Let's get one thing clear before I start to rant...
I'm am very grateful to have a job at all...
The Lord has blessed me with this considering I was unemployed for like a year...


So...
I need a new job...
Because I HATE HATE HATE this one...
I hate this job more then any other job I've had...
Even the jobs I thought I hated before...pfft...
I didn't know I could/would dislike this job so much...

So anyway back to the faith part...
I know I should be all faithful and trusting in the Lord...
But I really just feel like he ain't listening...
Like ever since I've left college I have been doomed to a crap-hazard existence...

And it's easy for others to say 'keep the faith' when they are well off, and can pay their bills and buy what they want and not have to worry about people calling demanding their money...

I mean everyone has their times of up and downs... 
But I'm starting to feel like I'm permanently down...

Maybe this is my life...
Maybe I did go to college for no reason at all except to say I did...
And while that was never my plan that's exactly what it seems like is going to happen...

I mean how did I end up stuck in a place where it seems like nothing is going to move or change...
Forget a rock and a hard place...
I feel as though someone has placed me in a concrete box...
With no windows, no air...
And I am slowly dying, suffocating...
I am losing it...
This must be how it starts for the crazies...
They must have had high hopes for their life...
But life keep getting in the way...
Killing their dreams...

I AM LOSING IT!

Now my faith in the Lord is unshaken...
I will always believe that Jesus is real, that God has a plan for my life...

But I don't know past that...
Nothing seems like it will ever be right...

What did I do?

I guess I'll have to stick to it...
I guess I'll have to keep trying...
I guess I can't give up...

Meh...
Is this life?

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